Things My Mother Taught Me

Things My Mother Taught Me

This month is dedicated to celebrating women. I realize not everyone who reads this is a woman, but you probably have at least one woman in your life—a mother, your spouse or girlfriend, or a daughter. But whether or not you’re a woman, this fun little piece made me chuckle, and I thought you would get a kick out of it too.

Things My Mother Taught Me . . .

To Value a Job Well Done
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

All about Time Travel
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

“Because I said so, that’s why.”

“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

“Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

Circle of Life
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

Behavior Modification
“Stop acting like your father!”

“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

“Just wait until we get home.”

“You are going to get it when you get home!”

Medical Science
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”

How to Become an Adult
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.”

—Author Unknown